Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Continuing the Sabotage – The Stalker

Sister 1
Since the internet dating didn’t go as well as planned, I figured I should forego that whole endeavor and meet guys the old fashioned way ~ get completely black-out wasted drunk at a bar with some of my closest girlfriends, wake up with a gnarly headache, cotton mouth, bruised up, still in the dress and makeup from the night before and with some guys digits half written on my hand and the other half backwards smudged on my forehead.

After a dose of the booze blues from the call of shames I had to make I found out from my best friends that not only did I met “a guy”, but I had smoked a pack of cigarettes with him, somewhat ate sushi, fell twice, gave him my number/email/shoe size/bra size, gave him a ring of mine because we were playing “we just got married” all night and refused to leave with my friends only making them stuff me in the car via the Hulk Hogan sleeper hold to get me home safely.

I knew this wasn’t over, I mean come on we were playing “married”. So of course, two days later, he called (they always call). I did not answer my cell because I had no idea what his name was. Thankfully, he (Stalker) left his name and I (stupidly) called him back. Stalker seemed to be a nice guy. He was a tad bit older than me, lived in the LA area, was not in the “business” and was really charming on the phone. He asked me for my email and I gave it to him after all he seemed ‘ok’. After about a week and a half of email exchanges and phone calls he got me to go out on a date with him. Stalker rode his motorcycle over an hour to take me out to dinner and a walk on the beach. It was a fun evening, but I really wasn’t all that into him during and after the date. I thought that he was “ok”, yet geographically undesirable and a little too clingy. Luckily, the day after the date I had plans to go with my girlfriends on a trip to the river and I thought “I’ll not talk to him while I’m gone and I’ll just let it go when I get back.”

is where the Stalking began…..

All of a sudden, Stalker was trying his hardest to contact me. While on my trip he texted me the whole time. When I got back, all in one day his attempts to contact me were found all over my work phone, through emails, IM’s, text messages and cell phone. It was CRAZY! I actually FINALLY picked up the phone after what felt like his 100th attempt and told him “We had one date, this was WAY too much for me and I didn’t want to have anything to do with him”. I felt so good after that and thought I was in the clear. NOPE I WAS WRONG! He still made a call, text and IM to me after I said it was over. After ignoring them I again thought was in the clear. Until that night, outside of my bedroom window (thankfully my bedroom was on the third floor) at 4 o’clock in the morning someone was blasting the song “These Days” by Rascal Flatts over and over again. I did not look out the window because I was terrified! After about an hour the music stopped, however I did not go back to sleep instead I got ready for work and went to a local coffee shop where I knew I would be amongst people and then went to work. I told all the girls at work about this and they were all pretty freaked out, then we all laughed at what a crazy he was and we all thought it was over. UNTIL THE NEXT DAY at work I received a 2 day Fed EX package sent to my job. I WAS SCARED OUT OF MY MIND TO OPEN IT!!! I had no idea what it could be. Was it a bomb? Was he trying to kill me? So I made the only male in my office (my boss) open it. He has sent me a handwritten 7 page front and back letter about his feelings and “us”. Included in the package was the ring that I gave him and two handmade sticker pasties with tassels for my boobs when I go to the river with friends. IT WAS THE MOST BIZARRE, SCARY, CREEPY, COMPLETELY OUT OF TOUCH, EERIE and WEIRDEST thing I have ever gotten from a guy. After this encounter, I was over it! I called the cops and began the process of getting a restraining order against him. HE WAS A F@#$ING SCARY MAN!!! I heard from him one last time a few weeks later. He texted me telling me he was moving to “OZ”. I did not respond and instead thought “WHAT A WACKO!!!” I seriously thought this dude was moving into a psycho ward named “OZ”, little did I know OZ meant Australia. Anyhow, thankfully I have never heard from Stalker Freak-a-zoid again!

Sister 2 – How do you avoid Stalkers? Can you really meet a nice guy in a bar or are they all stalkers?

Sister 2
Sorry to everyone for this taking so long to get out. Believe it or not I have just finished the work to obtain my masters degree, so sister 1 was being very patient with me while I screamed at everyone in the house and basically had them running for the hills (OK running to the brewery down the street to which come on they weren’t that hesitant to get out of my way) with my insanity and negativity. But now we are back…and get ready this ride is a crazy one!

So…my perception of the Stalker was that I was totally freaked out. Who wouldn’t be? Seriously the guy cut little pieces of paper up, painstakingly pasted them to tassels and sent my sister PASTIES!! WTF? Who does that? It’s like that episode of Hart to Hart when Jennifer had the stalker guy and he cut out all those little pieces of paper from magazines and made a whole collage of her head…eeew so creepy. Just the thought of a guy spending that much time cutting up things from magazines makes me totally heebie-jeebied.

WHO cuts up magazines? OK besides little kids making collages and paper mache planets? Stalkers and Kidnappers that’s who. UGH then this whole incident brings me back to square 1. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY SISTER THAT SHE CANNOT FIND A DECENT GUY? So many of us have got drunk at bars and dated the idiot that thought we were “so cute” when we were drooling and smearing our makeup all over the inside of their car, then again all over their sheets and pillows, yet how come we are able to wake up the next day, let the guy take us to breakfast and then make a swift and speedy break for it exclaiming “OK I’ll call you tomorrow” on the way out the door?

Is this my sister’s lot in life? Is this the best she can do? I mean the guy was referencing “Say Anything” and “Flashdance”…eew no matter how much I love those movies you cant explain away this guy…

This, dear readers, is why we are here today. I need help. I need answers. I need to know how in this day and age someone like my sister who has so much to offer is her own worst enemy, a calculated saboteur of her own well being, and quite possibly a terrorist of the most destructible kind. Is it possible to be your own personal Al-Qaeda? Who can I alert, we are at DEFCON 5.

OH and apparently…girls wear Pasties now instead of bikini tops…don’t tell my husband, I still like the whole process of watching him save up dollar bills and our nights out at strip bars. Hey I get good service at strip bars and a ton of attention!


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. LOL! Stalker is busy freightening some poor girl in OZ!

  3. Let's get with it people.... Sis #1 needs our help desperately! Opinions are like assholes... everyone has one so let's all join in and post comments!
    I say stalk the asshole back! That will send him running!