Friday, August 14, 2009

Are You Eligible? Can You Comment?

Sister 2

OK I have read a few blogs out there and realized I am addicted to comments. Do you know some people have over 100 comments on posts? Dang…that’s a lot of love. If someone writes a Blog & no one is around to comment on it, does it make a sound? Uh...Whatever. Here is what I have been working on while the baby sleeps:

The Top 10 List of Rules to be Eligible to Date Sister 1

1. You must have a job. I don’t care if you work on a street corner waving a sign directing people to go into Little Caesars. You must have a job--& if this is your job you can say you are in Marketing & Advertising, possibly a Professional Dancer as well depending on how good you are at getting people to honk at you and to buy Pizza! Pizza! of course!

2. You must have your own place to live. Your friends couch is not your own place.

3. You must be able to drink but also know “when” is “when”. Hey Douche Bigalow! This was your downfall!

4. You must tolerate really bad reality TV. don’t have to know everything going on in the Real Housewives of whichever seasons lives, that would be creepy in fact, but you have to understand that to Sister 1, this is like her football, baseball, or soccer you love so much (see #5).

5. You must like some sport enough to name names/stats. You have to be able to hold a conversation with Dad and Secret-Agent-Lover-Man, both of whom are rabid sports fans enough to talk the talk with anyone, anytime. They are so into sports that Secret-Agent-Lover-Man can talk Jai-Alai if prompted!

6. You must be good at cooking. Sister 1 once substituted cucumber for zucchini. This is not a lie. She really didn’t know the difference and was stuck with 2 gallons of soup all to herself as a result which she did eat over a period of time in batches, I have to give it to her. So, as a matter of survival you don’t have to be Top Chef, but you do have to know enough to know the difference between cucumber & zucchini and, neither is a metaphor for your penis, by the way. Just saying.

7. You should have a nicer, newer than 1990's car. Sister 1 has a hoop that could blow any minute. Your car is the preferred method of transportation. Oh and in case you were wondering, your car does not count for rule #2 either.

8. You have to like & understand the significance of Twilight, and then agree on how fast downhill to crap-town the rest of the series went after this. All right, I admit it; this is the way to my heart. Sister 1 started Twilight in like 2007 or something & is still reading it…hey, she savors her books!

9. You should either: Be a medical doctor, know one as a friend, be an EMT or have an EMT friend, know how to treat injuries like shin splints, be a veterinarian, a pharmacist, pharmaceutical sales person, something like this anyway because hey—Sister 1 don’t got no insurance and is running a Marathon in October! Come on Obama, get my sister some coverage, she works hard & looks great in her shorts!

Finally, 10. You must love cheese. It is true. She loves to eat cheese and has a great cheesy side to her as well. This includes enjoying cruises & singing karaoke. All forms of cheese are welcome. She is an equal-opportunity lover of cheese.

So…what's on your list for eligibility? What have I overlooked? Help a sister out! LEAVE COMMENTS!!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Imaginary Wedding

Sister 1

So I have been looking! Searching, dating meeting, winking and although this has been SO MUCH FUN, I still can't win the battle going on in my head. Almost immediately when I say "yes" to a date - of course this is after I went over “the potential’s” profile and checked out his photos again - I go into a fantasy world state of mind. Looking at “the potential’s” photos, I instantly imagine how our first date will be, then our next, our first kiss, if he'd be good in bed, his proposal to me, our wedding, where we would live....list continues....It's Crazy! It's as if I'm living in the mind of Charlotte from Sex and the City! I have always believed in love stories and when I was younger I even had a timeline (20 years old - meet "the guy", 23 - get engaged, 25 - married, 27 - begin having kids). I have since passed all of those ages and none of it happened. I believe there are white horses, chivalry, and a handsome prince. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't have watched Dirty Dancing and Grease everyday when I was a young girl. But I am doing my best to get out of my head, stop thinking this way and instead enjoy the ride of dating. It’s just hard when everywhere I look, there is another love story where the man comes running and sweeps the woman off her feet.

Sister 2

The other day a friend & I were talking about “what happened”. What I mean is we talked about how we are approaching 40 & our lives are great, but at the same time, not exactly as we expected them to be. For example, I am living my sister’s life. I was never going to get married. If I did then I was DEFINTELY never going to have children. I mean I seriously wanted to get a hysterectomy at 18. I never wanted kids and never even wanted to have a period ever again. So how is it that I am now happily married for over 13 years & pregnant with baby #2? THIS IS NOT MY LIFE! But, it is, & I am not complaining at all, but how weird.

When I was a preteen I worshipped Alexis Carrington. I strived to be Erica Kane. I absolutely never expected to have a man do anything for me; I would do it all & they would be at my mercy. I never planned my dream wedding at an early age & as far as Grease goes I liked Marty Maraschino (like the cherry). I didn’t like Dirty Dancing b/c I thought Baby was weird looking & Patrick Swayze looked like an old man preying on her. If I was to be married I was going to be like Jennifer Hart. Exactly like her in every way, & I still envy her amazing hair.

Therefore, Sister 1 & I have traded places. I have her life of a stable career, husband, 1.5 kids & cute little beach house. She is single, can do anything & go anywhere she wants to, can be open to any options life hands her & most of all has nothing weighing her down to stop her from any of it. Her life is my ideal, yet here she is obsessed with what she feels she is missing. Being in love with the idea of love is never going to get her anywhere…yet here we are.