So I have been looking! Searching, dating meeting, winking and although this has been SO MUCH FUN, I still can't win the battle going on in my head. Almost immediately when I say "yes" to a date - of course this is after I went over “the potential’s” profile and checked out his photos again - I go into a fantasy world state of mind. Looking at “the potential’s” photos, I instantly imagine how our first date will be, then our next, our first kiss, if he'd be good in bed, his proposal to me, our wedding, where we would live....list continues....It's Crazy! It's as if I'm living in the mind of Charlotte from Sex and the City! I have always believed in love stories and when I was younger I even had a timeline (20 years old - meet "the guy", 23 - get engaged, 25 - married, 27 - begin having kids). I have since passed all of those ages and none of it happened. I believe there are white horses, chivalry, and a handsome prince. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't have watched Dirty Dancing and Grease everyday when I was a young girl. But I am doing my best to get out of my head, stop thinking this way and instead enjoy the ride of dating. It’s just hard when everywhere I look, there is another love story where the man comes running and sweeps the woman off her feet.
The other day a friend & I were talking about “what happened”. What I mean is we talked about how we are approaching 40 & our lives are great, but at the same time, not exactly as we expected them to be. For example, I am living my sister’s life. I was never going to get married. If I did then I was DEFINTELY never going to have children. I mean I seriously wanted to get a hysterectomy at 18. I never wanted kids and never even wanted to have a period ever again. So how is it that I am now happily married for over 13 years & pregnant with baby #2? THIS IS NOT MY LIFE! But, it is, & I am not complaining at all, but how weird.
When I was a preteen I worshipped Alexis Carrington. I strived to be Erica Kane. I absolutely never expected to have a man do anything for me; I would do it all & they would be at my mercy. I never planned my dream wedding at an early age & as far as Grease goes I liked Marty Maraschino (like the cherry). I didn’t like Dirty Dancing b/c I thought Baby was weird looking & Patrick Swayze looked like an old man preying on her. If I was to be married I was going to be like Jennifer Hart. Exactly like her in every way, & I still envy her amazing hair.
Therefore, Sister 1 & I have traded places. I have her life of a stable career, husband, 1.5 kids & cute little beach house. She is single, can do anything & go anywhere she wants to, can be open to any options life hands her & most of all has nothing weighing her down to stop her from any of it. Her life is my ideal, yet here she is obsessed with what she feels she is missing. Being in love with the idea of love is never going to get her anywhere…yet here we are.
Old School Wisdom
7 years ago