Friday, August 14, 2009

Are You Eligible? Can You Comment?

Sister 2

OK I have read a few blogs out there and realized I am addicted to comments. Do you know some people have over 100 comments on posts? Dang…that’s a lot of love. If someone writes a Blog & no one is around to comment on it, does it make a sound? Uh...Whatever. Here is what I have been working on while the baby sleeps:

The Top 10 List of Rules to be Eligible to Date Sister 1

1. You must have a job. I don’t care if you work on a street corner waving a sign directing people to go into Little Caesars. You must have a job--& if this is your job you can say you are in Marketing & Advertising, possibly a Professional Dancer as well depending on how good you are at getting people to honk at you and to buy Pizza! Pizza! of course!

2. You must have your own place to live. Your friends couch is not your own place.

3. You must be able to drink but also know “when” is “when”. Hey Douche Bigalow! This was your downfall!

4. You must tolerate really bad reality TV. So...you don’t have to know everything going on in the Real Housewives of whichever seasons lives, that would be creepy in fact, but you have to understand that to Sister 1, this is like her football, baseball, or soccer you love so much (see #5).

5. You must like some sport enough to name names/stats. You have to be able to hold a conversation with Dad and Secret-Agent-Lover-Man, both of whom are rabid sports fans enough to talk the talk with anyone, anytime. They are so into sports that Secret-Agent-Lover-Man can talk Jai-Alai if prompted!

6. You must be good at cooking. Sister 1 once substituted cucumber for zucchini. This is not a lie. She really didn’t know the difference and was stuck with 2 gallons of soup all to herself as a result which she did eat over a period of time in batches, I have to give it to her. So, as a matter of survival you don’t have to be Top Chef, but you do have to know enough to know the difference between cucumber & zucchini and, neither is a metaphor for your penis, by the way. Just saying.

7. You should have a nicer, newer than 1990's car. Sister 1 has a hoop that could blow any minute. Your car is the preferred method of transportation. Oh and in case you were wondering, your car does not count for rule #2 either.

8. You have to like & understand the significance of Twilight, and then agree on how fast downhill to crap-town the rest of the series went after this. All right, I admit it; this is the way to my heart. Sister 1 started Twilight in like 2007 or something & is still reading it…hey, she savors her books!

9. You should either: Be a medical doctor, know one as a friend, be an EMT or have an EMT friend, know how to treat injuries like shin splints, be a veterinarian, a pharmacist, pharmaceutical sales person, something like this anyway because hey—Sister 1 don’t got no insurance and is running a Marathon in October! Come on Obama, get my sister some coverage, she works hard & looks great in her shorts!

Finally, 10. You must love cheese. It is true. She loves to eat cheese and has a great cheesy side to her as well. This includes enjoying cruises & singing karaoke. All forms of cheese are welcome. She is an equal-opportunity lover of cheese.

So…what's on your list for eligibility? What have I overlooked? Help a sister out! LEAVE COMMENTS!!

6 comments:

  1. Well, you've ruled out every single man on the planet with that list. But your acceptance of the shaky-Little-Cesar-pizza-sign dudes leaves some room for hope, I guess. I have one of those awesome dudes on my corner...been there since I moved here 5 years ago. I'm pretty sure he's available.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I cant stop laughing...LOL :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. I got 7 out of 10. Thats a C. I guess I need to go to tutorial to get my grades up...

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm looking for this to become a #1 top selling book.... and then a movie! Makes me laugh and love finding out all these things about you that I never knew. Love it and look forward to reading the new posts.
    A.P.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ha...I know a lot of single dudes. Does an RV count for your own housing?

    Thanks for the laughs. I'm sure you'll have your 100 comments in no time.
    Amber

    ReplyDelete
  6. You go girl, some day we will find the perfect man to fill all those regulations you have for him. I just want her to be happy!!!!! come on pizza man where are you.

    ReplyDelete