Sister 2 Can Beat Up Your Sister

Sister 2
Well, it’s just me again. Sister 1 is out of commission. It’s just like the Jersey Housewives…Dina (Sister 1) makes a mess so bulldog Caroline (me) cleans it up. It will always be this way; it is my duty as the oldest. I will take the blame, the heat, the brunt of it all, just so her life is protected from it all. Pretty crazy. I never even put it together until we were watching the finale and then I realized I am not only Caroline in appearance (sans the Kate + 8 haircut…though I did have that haircut in the 90’s I must admit) I am Caroline in attitude. I will take the hits because in the end it doesn’t matter, and frankly I can take it. I am kind of a badass that way. It’s my girlish bulldog charm I suppose.
So…on to other issues. Why did I find myself picking out bridal gowns on TV for Sister 1 this morning? Why do I clip out destination wedding locations of magazines and place them on her bed? Why do I watch really horrid Rom-Com’s like New In Town and wonder why my sister can’t suddenly find herself needing to conduct business in Minnesota just so she can meet the only cute boy in a town of quirky but loveable residents who would never be the least bit appealing in real life?
Sister 1 has yet to find anyone the least bit worthy of betrothal, yet I have the wedding basically planned including my toast to the happy couple and the diet I will succumb to so I will look amazing and everyone will then “get it” that we are related—what is wrong with me?
Lets get a few things straight. I am a feminist in every means of the word. I support womens rights and teach my students to empower themselves because the world is still man-centric and we need to be aware of how to work the system. I shun princesses, being “saved” by a man, aspiring to marry a rich man whether than bringing your own money into the mix, and so on…therefore why am I so obsessed with Sister 1 settling down, having babies, and above all: having the wedding to end all weddings, moving into a McMansion in the OC, Jersey, Atlanta, Long Island, insert your favorite Real Housewife locale here…??
Worse than my issues…what kind of pressure does this bring Sister 1? Every guy I meet, and I mean each and every one that I come across that seems cute becomes an instant prospect to make my sisters dreams come true. My husband, Secret-Agent-Lover-Man, gets sick of it too. Once I met a guy who was fine…I mean f-i-n-e juicy fine. After he left I asked “is he single?” Secret-Agent-Lover-Man had a FIT. “I knew you were going to ask that!”He yelled at me, “You always ask!” Never mind the guy was a semi-con, couch surfing, deadbeat dad whose daughter will likely become famous for writing a memoir which will be turned into screenplay based on her dads loser-ness that Will Smith will get an Oscar for. That’s the level of loser this juicy man attained. Did I care? Not so much…he was single!
UGH, if only I had the Jersey Ladies money—then at least I could turn this into a Bravo TV show!